++I feel I must be a devoted father who always places even the barest possibility of his children's warefare above his own, a husband that must always sacrifice so that his wife and family will not have to, an employee who is always willing to take on the extra time to show he's worthy.++
One of the things I remember from the pre-marriage counseling/class we took at my old church was that your spousal relationship really does have priority. If you can't hold yourself and Eleri together, how can you have anything left to cope with any children's needs? And if you spend all your energy on your children, job, etc., your marriage wastes away and stops giving you the support you need.
Make sure you take care of yourself. Make sure you take care of yourself-and-Eleri.
And if you're not actually getting recognized for going the extra mile at work, talk to your boss about the situation, esp. as you're stretched to/past your limits dealing with a special-needs child and don't always have the time or energy to stay after and do extra stuff. Double especially if staying extra doesn't pay.
++A part of me realizes that the more I buy into these ideas, the worse my life will be. That I'll just continue the vicious cycle. But there is another part that fears the consequences of failing to uphold my duties.++
Remember, they're not all your needs. A lot of "your" needs are really your daughter's, or are caused by you not having enough left after caring for your daughter's needs. Don't be ashamed to ask for more help for her--especially if you can get folks to agree to help on a regular basis--than you would need if you continued to spend your very last bit of energy before asking anyone for anything. You deserve to have time and energy left over for yourself, no matter how great the outside demands on you may be; it's just a matter of making that happen.
Oh, and don't worry about thinking a lot about sex, or about wanting way more of it than any amateur could possibly physically manage. It happens to the best of us. ;-)
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One of the things I remember from the pre-marriage counseling/class we took at my old church was that your spousal relationship really does have priority. If you can't hold yourself and Eleri together, how can you have anything left to cope with any children's needs? And if you spend all your energy on your children, job, etc., your marriage wastes away and stops giving you the support you need.
Make sure you take care of yourself. Make sure you take care of yourself-and-Eleri.
And if you're not actually getting recognized for going the extra mile at work, talk to your boss about the situation, esp. as you're stretched to/past your limits dealing with a special-needs child and don't always have the time or energy to stay after and do extra stuff. Double especially if staying extra doesn't pay.
++A part of me realizes that the more I buy into these ideas, the worse my life will be. That I'll just continue the vicious cycle. But there is another part that fears the consequences of failing to uphold my duties.++
Remember, they're not all your needs. A lot of "your" needs are really your daughter's, or are caused by you not having enough left after caring for your daughter's needs. Don't be ashamed to ask for more help for her--especially if you can get folks to agree to help on a regular basis--than you would need if you continued to spend your very last bit of energy before asking anyone for anything. You deserve to have time and energy left over for yourself, no matter how great the outside demands on you may be; it's just a matter of making that happen.
Oh, and don't worry about thinking a lot about sex, or about wanting way more of it than any amateur could possibly physically manage. It happens to the best of us. ;-)