vaxjedi | Up and Down

I feel much better now

After coming home and apologizing to Eleri for snapping at her, I feel better. I did 14 hours at work today, not including my halfhour lunch. This job is wearing at me. But Eleri reminded me of something today.

I am taking things too seriously.

What has really changed in my life? Me. I've made myself a hermit, conditioned myself to be a martyr and am slowly becoming a workaholic. Why? Because it's what I am supposed to do. I'm becoming a Grayface. I hardly laugh anymore.

So, I need to stop. Laugh more. Enjoy life more. I have a lovely wife. Cute children. I have loves far and wide who think I am cool and worth taking a lot of shit for. I have a lemur named Loki and I know how to use him. So to speak. (Hi Loki) I got my replacement Visor today. I am not doing any OT tomorrow because I deserve a day of rest (relative speaking). I submitted Rapture to www.literotica.com and someone liked it (they rejected Crowdsurfing because of underage sex - never even occurred to me that I had put it in there). (I am feeling very paranthetical).

Maybe, just maybe, my kung fu is still strong.

I've been too serious about sex. Because I'd forggotten the joy of it and turned it into catharsis. I need to giggle more. I need sexiness and smexiness. My libido is very intellectual. I think Eleri is very sexy, but I adore her when she's in taht slightly sarcastic mood because she is smexy too - her mind is sharp as well as her soul being powerful. My fantasies are just that, fantastical. Because it has to move my mind to move my loins as well.

I remember my mantra from HS, from Rocky Horror: A mental mindfuck can be nice!

Now it's not all good. I have to wait several months to get insurance for Eleri and Corri. I have to do OT this week. I have to work for a team that is insisting we do increasingly more with less and less resources.

But that is surmountable. Because I still hav the people connected to me, my kith and kindred. Though they be thousands of miles away, they still have a part of me with them.

Now, I need to keep this in my head for when my energy wanes. I must remember.

To quote my weird stuff, the eigth day has begun. And I never did wake up well in the morning. Maybe it's past morning now.

Faith, Ryan tells me. Have faith. I've never been good at faith. Life has always been dark and difficult and depressing.

Well, Hallelujah.

Hallelujah anyway.

Hallelujah any way.