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In Memorium
Jul. 16th, 2002 07:36 pmBlade steps to the chalk line in front of the fireplace and holds up his glass.
"I just received word that my friend, Rich Will Powers, is dead. He committed suicide. He left on a train for Seattle, and was found in New York, where he was from."
"As soon as I was told, the black stone walls of my depression slammed down around me - I feel no pain right now. I will not allow myself, for some reason. It was like this when Donna died, that beautiful siren goddess of a woman I never met. I went cold."
"I do not know how to grieve. I didn't know him that long. Nor how best to respect those who knew him more, how to let them grieve as they need, how to support them for they feel this loss more gravely than I."
Blade pauses. "Eleri asked me what I was thinking. I'm not sure." He sips at his drink. "I have known depression. I have looked into that same abyss. I cannot blame Rich for stepping into it. Though I wish I could have given him something to cling to, some reason to turn around, instead of stepping into oblivion."
He looks down. "I don't know what to do. Rich's pain is over. Others' is just beginning."
"I believe devoutly, that while life is both joy and sorrow, that life was made for joy. And the triumph of sorrow in a life is the worst of blasphemies. I am a rapturist - using any means necessary to inspire joy to achieve my goals. I don't know what to do but keep doing that. I don't know what to do but to try to inspire light, to balance out the inevitable darkness."
"Pontification is a defense mechanism for me." He sighs. "It's so easy to distract one's self, isn't it? It's easy to turn another's atrocity into indulgence of one's own issues and beliefs. I don't know how to honor my friend's passing, how to atone for the depression that beset his life."
"And I want to say that there will be people who blame themselves for this. I believe that is a cross they should not shoulder. We can mourn, but we cannot blame ourselves for another's choice."
Blade raises his glass. "To Richard Will Powers, friend and waterbrother. May you find joy and solace in the next world. And you will be missed in this one." He tosses his glass into the fireplace with a crash.
"I just received word that my friend, Rich Will Powers, is dead. He committed suicide. He left on a train for Seattle, and was found in New York, where he was from."
"As soon as I was told, the black stone walls of my depression slammed down around me - I feel no pain right now. I will not allow myself, for some reason. It was like this when Donna died, that beautiful siren goddess of a woman I never met. I went cold."
"I do not know how to grieve. I didn't know him that long. Nor how best to respect those who knew him more, how to let them grieve as they need, how to support them for they feel this loss more gravely than I."
Blade pauses. "Eleri asked me what I was thinking. I'm not sure." He sips at his drink. "I have known depression. I have looked into that same abyss. I cannot blame Rich for stepping into it. Though I wish I could have given him something to cling to, some reason to turn around, instead of stepping into oblivion."
He looks down. "I don't know what to do. Rich's pain is over. Others' is just beginning."
"I believe devoutly, that while life is both joy and sorrow, that life was made for joy. And the triumph of sorrow in a life is the worst of blasphemies. I am a rapturist - using any means necessary to inspire joy to achieve my goals. I don't know what to do but keep doing that. I don't know what to do but to try to inspire light, to balance out the inevitable darkness."
"Pontification is a defense mechanism for me." He sighs. "It's so easy to distract one's self, isn't it? It's easy to turn another's atrocity into indulgence of one's own issues and beliefs. I don't know how to honor my friend's passing, how to atone for the depression that beset his life."
"And I want to say that there will be people who blame themselves for this. I believe that is a cross they should not shoulder. We can mourn, but we cannot blame ourselves for another's choice."
Blade raises his glass. "To Richard Will Powers, friend and waterbrother. May you find joy and solace in the next world. And you will be missed in this one." He tosses his glass into the fireplace with a crash.
