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Oct. 21st, 2003 11:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaxjediI haven't been writing very much lately. I'm having trouble finding a voice. Finding words. The words don't seem to mean as much - they don't change much.
I find my words lately lead me into a downward spiral. I start complaining about how much life sucks. Or I fall prey to some passive aggressive self-loathing or narcissism.
I am not sure where I am going. But I don't want to be exactly who I am right now.
There are good things. I've had a lot of friends be very nice to me. I've managed to get a few things I've really wanted lately. I managed to get a really good team on cell phones (no activation, free phones and about the same we paid for long distance).
I'm discovering odd paradoxes. That the world is filled with lots of cool things, but that most people sabotage them, or mock them because hip cynicism is edgy and deep. That there are more legitimate honest-to-god tragedies in the world than one can comprehend , and most of them are things we were never taught were tragic. That people are basically good, and spoiled children all at the same time. That I talk a lot about being quiet, but tend to ramble on and on in long lists.
Go figure.
I find my words lately lead me into a downward spiral. I start complaining about how much life sucks. Or I fall prey to some passive aggressive self-loathing or narcissism.
I am not sure where I am going. But I don't want to be exactly who I am right now.
There are good things. I've had a lot of friends be very nice to me. I've managed to get a few things I've really wanted lately. I managed to get a really good team on cell phones (no activation, free phones and about the same we paid for long distance).
I'm discovering odd paradoxes. That the world is filled with lots of cool things, but that most people sabotage them, or mock them because hip cynicism is edgy and deep. That there are more legitimate honest-to-god tragedies in the world than one can comprehend , and most of them are things we were never taught were tragic. That people are basically good, and spoiled children all at the same time. That I talk a lot about being quiet, but tend to ramble on and on in long lists.
Go figure.
