(no subject)

[vaxjedi]

I don't know how much longer we can live like this....

Taking care of Mirriam is killing us. Respite is elusive. Eleri is always sick because she never has a chance to recover. My job is strained because I need to take off so much work.

We are not surviving.

We need help. The county here can give us some emergency funding. But all of the respite people we contacted are full. And the sitter we do have can't get paid with those fund for a month. We can't even keep all of the options straight and stay on top of them. We can't even keep the hosue from being trashed we are so tired and depressed. We are both losing our patience with her more and more.

But, overall, these are just bandaids. It doesn't matter how much emergency respite or small trips or quick naps we get... it's just not going to get better. We can't do this alone.

We need help. Either we need regular, dependable and affordable respite for a long period of time (years), or we need someone to move in with us to help us out, or we need to place Mirriam somewhere where they can take care of her. There just aren't any other options at this point. Not if we want Miri to be safe. Not if we want to be safe.

Comments

this comment has great potential for pissing people off

[jennkitty.livejournal.com]

however, that is not the intent. you know i love mousie as if she were my own. you guys are over 3 hours away now. and i *am* glad you took the job, because you damn well deserve it....

but it may be time to at least look at long-term care options outside the home. things aren't getting better, and unfortunately you're right, the band-aids won't cut it after awhile. not just to relieve yourselves, but because a long-term placement will give her stability and consistency that is unfortunately lacking as a result of you guys being burned out and not getting a break.

i feel like a traitor, suggesting you give her up, but i love you *and* her too much not to speak up when given an opening like this. the "if we can just make it until"s aren't working. please trust that i say these things out of love. it's time to look for something that will work. i hope there is an option which will allow those of us close to all of you to remain as such.

jenn

Re: this comment has great potential for pissing people off

[flaim.livejournal.com]

Sadly I think jenn may be on to something. I will still pray however. There *is* a solution. There always is. It's just not always the one we want.

Re: this comment has great potential for pissing people off

[eleri.livejournal.com]

Yes, but not in the way you expect.

Blade and I are *very* aware that placement is an option. However we are also aware that thing might not have come to this point, if other things had happened when they were supposed to.

Re: this comment has great potential for pissing people off

[jennkitty.livejournal.com]

murr?

[queenofhalves]

i have no advice, but you have my prayers.

[novapsyche.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I can say other than you have my love and support.

You need to do what would be best for everyone involved. Everyone. Including you.

[yarram.livejournal.com]

Meep! I've been out of touch for a few years... Sorry to learn Miriam is (and you are) having so much trouble. I hope you find a solution that works well for all involved... even if that means placing Miriam in foster care for a while (which would royally suck on some levels)...

Not much else I can say, except {{{{hugs}}}} if you want 'em.

[see-tree-me.livejournal.com]

It sounds to me as if you are facing a difficult decision with as much grace and thoughtfulness as is possible. Everyone's safety (including Mousie's) is paramount. Placing her in some kind of structured environment is *not* abandoning her, it is an attempt to give her the best care possible.

You're in my thoughts. If massage can help, let me know. If you can't afford it, don't worry about it.

Hugs!

[oceansedge.livejournal.com]

As both you and Eleri know, I've been down this road.

Now far be it from me to even begin to suggest when or if this is the right choice for you. The sad fact of the matter is, that it is rarely that any of us make this choice feeling like it IS a choice, more often than not it's the result of "we could cope if only we had the services, but those services aren't there." and we end up making the choice feeling like we're backed into a corner and there aren't any other answers. I won't pretend that it's ever easy to make, no matter how much it might be the right or only answer, it doesn't make it any better. BUT I will say this, you and Eleri are entitled to a life, to a future, you are entitled to a relationship with Miri, a relationship with the other children, and Miri is entitled to a life where she is safe, and her NEEDS are being met. I know how hard it is not to feel like somehow you've failed, you've given up. Hell I still go through that sometimes. And telling you that it's not you but the system that's failed, or that good folks like you have tread this path before isn't going to make that feeling go away. *HUGS* Just know that, I care, and worry, about you both and if either of you need to talk - Please just let me know, I'll be glad to call and we can talk.

i'm not sure what to say honey

[bloodlikerain.livejournal.com]

But I'm gonna find soemthing to mirri can have a spot on my alter tongiht. hugs. you're in my prayers love

[whimsicalzephyr.livejournal.com]

My brother was placed in a structured foster care home. It made life easier and better for everyone involved. I'm not telling you which option to pick, as I don't know the situation, just sharing my personal experience with one of the options. It helped my brother a lot. He went from being out of control and violent to.....somewhat in control and not very violent. There was really only so much anyone could do, given his mental illnesses and psychological issues. And it made life WAAY easier for everyone else. I remember that my mother found it much easier to have a relationship with my brother after he was placed in care. We all did, except me, but that's because I have PTSD and he triggers bad anxiety and terror.

If that is the option you pick, it has a chance of succeeding. I can't give feedback on the other options because I do not know enough about them.

[nuveena.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[quility.livejournal.com]

I trust you and know that you will make the best decision you can and I support you in whatever that is.

*HUG*

[xiombarg.livejournal.com]

*hug*

You really do need to consider more permanent solutions, perhaps even ones that you don't like.