I am my Mother's childe.

[vaxjedi]

I've been talking a lot to queenofhalves and eleri about magick and religion lately (well before 'Stine left for her vacation). And I've been reading Evolutionary Witchcraft, which is about the Feri tradition of witchcraft. So it's been on my mind a lot...

(BTW, I think I'll be repeating things I have said elsewhere - it's a sort of processing as I am typing thing)

So, it's all back to the need for spirituality I feel. I used to think it was a call to a higher calling, the need to be a priest or minister. But I am not sure anymore. I know that I need some spirituality. I need to be part of something larger. Something magickal. Something meaningful.

But any path I have tried has been an ill-fit, like wearing itchy clothing. It irritates me and I want to lash out at it. It feels like it's pressing against me, Expecting things of me. I dont understand what it all means or what is expected me. And parts of it seem just awkward.

So I came to the conclusion that I would have to develop my own path, using the symbols that mean things to me and concepts that come from my understanding and revelation about the universe. The Raptured path and mythos were my answer. But even as I worked on that. I still missed something.

I wanted a structure to express how I felt and to use as a base for practice and creativity. But I wanted that practice to mean something. So the Raptured path started with theology, the basics of the meaning. And I thought that if I had a solid basis of belief, it would play out into practices and rituals. But it hasn't. It's been hard to do that. The theology is there, but practice doesn't seem to flow from theology directly it seems. Or at least from my theology.

This is the weakness of my approach so far. I have an idea of the Divine, I have a mythos. But I don't have a connection to it. And I have very little of what 'Stine calls 'magickal technology' - that is practical ways to deal with the magickal nature of the universe.

I think I've figured out the source of this. I want to be part of something bigger than myself. I have been aiming to make the Rapture path more... generic, so that others could use it. I guess it's that calling to minister. Or be a cult leader ;) Or maybe it's the feeling that if others accept it, then I am just not fooling myself. So in that way, I've been missing the point, I think, not really tapping into my own paradigm, if you will.

Hrm. I think too much. I know this. It's a strong part of me. Yet there are other parts of me that I just don't express that much. And I think those need to come out in this too.

Okie. I'm starting to lose my train of thought.... maybe I should switch gears.

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So, let's look at life. Where do I see magick.
- Sex. Duh. I'll refrain from going on that rant again. Well for now.
- Language. Another duh here.
- Code. Programming is like magick, but cybernetic. I use a lot of programming metaphors in my view of magickal reality. I always say that i'd make a damned good Virtual Adept. A cybernetic paradigm makes sense to me, one that is iconic in a post-modern sort of way.
- Geometry. I havent done much with this for years, but geometric shapes and platonic solids resonate a lot with me. I used to enjoy using the nice compass I got to create geometric shapes - pentagrams, golden sections, flowers of life.
- Cities. I know that I am in the minority of pagans here, but cities are just vibrant to me. They are full of energy and life. I miss just walking the sidewalks and hanging out in city parks. There is an industrial-goth-techno part of me that I just don't let out too much. If I could move and dance at all, I'd probably be into trance and techno. I like that sort of beat. I like the pulse of the city (as long as I don't have to drive... but put me on the sidewalk with a trenchcoat at dusk on a cool blustery day, and I'm halfway down the path to Dreamtime).
- Elemental forces. I like windstorms and lightning. Fire. Water (fountains make me all shaky, like the tension is melting out of me). Metals. gems, especially hematite.
- Music. Honestly, I don't have a music bone in my body. I have no sense of rhythm or tone and I have the worst problem hearing what lyrics are in a song. But music is power.

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The Jade Mother... I think she is the most powerful part of the mythos in my head. She is the personification of the nature that I crave, what I see in almost every woman and envy. She's so many things to me. When people talk about the Goddess, it's her I see.

She is so many things. She's slinky, fluid, sexy, powerful, clever, deep, graceful, wild, goregous. She's the goddess of all sex divas - from the porn star, stripper and fetish model, to the sex-positive feminist, the sexologist and kink community maven to the slashfic writer, the webcam girl and the woman who seems to get laid at every play party. She is the goddess of late night skinny dipping, of quiet candlelight dinners, of snuggling under the covers and wild sex on the floor that wakes up the neighbors. She's the goddess of music you can't help dance to, rich decadent chocolate, silky clothes, the light of the full moon on a lake.

I have a submissive streak in me. But it makes me nervous. However, to her... to this Goddess, I feel like I can bend to, submit to. I th

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here comes the traditional "I'm tired, time to sleep" ending...

Comments

[gax.livejournal.com]

It's the simplest, most unstructured yet innate thing that people "get" and don't need rituals to latch onto. It's more a capturing of a common consciousness than it is about attempting to bend it to traditional ways of thinking. :)

[zaiah.livejournal.com]

I want to say again that you are not constructing something.. not trying to get something back.. but you are reinvestigating and recreating something which is eternal truth.. I love you dearling.

[queenofhalves]

you can dance. and the goddess is within you, waiting for you to ask her to manifest. don't limit yourself. :>

[xiombarg.livejournal.com]

I think you need to do more work on Sinnish so you have a magickal syntax to work with from a programming perspective.

Also, consider that all paths have Expectations, because humans do.

[itisally.livejournal.com]

So I read this before work and it got me thinking about ritual. I think the perpous of ritual is to connect with spirituality, and with other people who share those beliefs. that is hard to do when we strile out on a individual path.

The city has a heart beat and a rythum of its own. and definatly its own magik