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vaxjediI had a very good Beltaine and a very good birthday. But yesterday I was just snapping and mean. I had hoped I was on an upswing. I guess I expected too much to happen over night.
It's really been almost two months of this. It's exhaustion on many levels. Things I need to do:
* See the doctor - get a stopgap increase in my meds and talk about getting a psychiatrist to help me manage medication (doing this tonight)
* Get the money to pay off our therapist so I can go see her regularly (looking into the financial options on that today)
* Get more rest - I got very little sleep the previous night because I had a late night brainstorm - I think that was part of why I was so pissy yesterday (this is hard one. I need to get to bed earlier)
* Take a litte more regular time for myself - I am having a lot of trouble accepting help from Eleri on this. My reflexive thought is 'I have to keep going no matter what'. Maybe I need to arrange for a regular day where I can go away for a few hours.
* reach out more - This means to people around me, including Eleri. I keep withdrawing and then (unsurprisingly) feeling painfully lonely and alone. (I am going to a social thng on Friday and I've been trying to talk to some local people on IM)
* Get more physical activity - I'm not a physically active person, never have been. I'm not expecting much here, but just a little something. My plan is to do more geocaching. Plus I've been doing a little work in the yard.
* Write more - I am no writer like![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silenceleigh, but writing my various rants is good for me. It gets things out of my head. And I can read them later and remind myself about who I am when I'm doing well.
Well, the first to do is to go to work...
It's really been almost two months of this. It's exhaustion on many levels. Things I need to do:
* See the doctor - get a stopgap increase in my meds and talk about getting a psychiatrist to help me manage medication (doing this tonight)
* Get the money to pay off our therapist so I can go see her regularly (looking into the financial options on that today)
* Get more rest - I got very little sleep the previous night because I had a late night brainstorm - I think that was part of why I was so pissy yesterday (this is hard one. I need to get to bed earlier)
* Take a litte more regular time for myself - I am having a lot of trouble accepting help from Eleri on this. My reflexive thought is 'I have to keep going no matter what'. Maybe I need to arrange for a regular day where I can go away for a few hours.
* reach out more - This means to people around me, including Eleri. I keep withdrawing and then (unsurprisingly) feeling painfully lonely and alone. (I am going to a social thng on Friday and I've been trying to talk to some local people on IM)
* Get more physical activity - I'm not a physically active person, never have been. I'm not expecting much here, but just a little something. My plan is to do more geocaching. Plus I've been doing a little work in the yard.
* Write more - I am no writer like
silenceleigh, but writing my various rants is good for me. It gets things out of my head. And I can read them later and remind myself about who I am when I'm doing well.Well, the first to do is to go to work...
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hugs and love
Date: 2006-05-04 01:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-04 03:13 pm (UTC)Definatly. I love my Baby Girl and my friends, but if I don't get any alone time during the week, I turn into a raging beast.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-12 02:42 am (UTC)