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vaxjediI am back from Seattle. Interesting weekend.
Oh and an aside, they started blocking AIM from work, so I don't know hoe often I will be on.
The Callahan's Annex was fun, but it underscored some issues.
First, Mousie had a major freakout. I got nailed in the mouth three times and I have a bite wound on my arm that should heal up in a week or so. I was a complete mess afterward. And Miri broke my necklace, the one![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ryoganox gave me years ago with the pentacle Fir gave me back when we were still involved. That's what snapped me. It was the last real reminder of who I was that I had. Part of why I wore it constantly - to reminder me. And when it broke, something in me did.
At least no one seemed to hold it against me. But I think people at the Annex have a better understanding whateleri has to deal with all day long every day.
Another thing that struck me is how anti-social I've become. I was just afraid to talk to anyone, even the people I was really wanting to get close to. Whenever Miri was around, I had to keep an eye on her, just in case. Even with other people watching her, she can suddenly run off or get into something dangerous.
But even when I was not watching her, I didn't know what to do, what to say. Couldn't think of anything I could offer to the conversation or to anyone.
I just don't like myself very much anymore and I don't know how to change that anymore. I just don't seem to have the energy to combat it any more. I barely see or interact with the friends I do have.
*sigh* Just bellyaching to a certain extent.
On a side note, I need to go see a doctor. My body just isn't handling things anymore. My weight is constantly spiking then dropping. My legs and my back hurt a lot now. My ears still ring. The tendons in my heels are hurting. And I'm always tired.
Anyways, Im dont bitching. I have errands to do. Maybe I'll get some Sinnish done tonight - that'll me more interesting.
Oh and an aside, they started blocking AIM from work, so I don't know hoe often I will be on.
The Callahan's Annex was fun, but it underscored some issues.
First, Mousie had a major freakout. I got nailed in the mouth three times and I have a bite wound on my arm that should heal up in a week or so. I was a complete mess afterward. And Miri broke my necklace, the one
ryoganox gave me years ago with the pentacle Fir gave me back when we were still involved. That's what snapped me. It was the last real reminder of who I was that I had. Part of why I wore it constantly - to reminder me. And when it broke, something in me did.At least no one seemed to hold it against me. But I think people at the Annex have a better understanding what
eleri has to deal with all day long every day. Another thing that struck me is how anti-social I've become. I was just afraid to talk to anyone, even the people I was really wanting to get close to. Whenever Miri was around, I had to keep an eye on her, just in case. Even with other people watching her, she can suddenly run off or get into something dangerous.
But even when I was not watching her, I didn't know what to do, what to say. Couldn't think of anything I could offer to the conversation or to anyone.
I just don't like myself very much anymore and I don't know how to change that anymore. I just don't seem to have the energy to combat it any more. I barely see or interact with the friends I do have.
*sigh* Just bellyaching to a certain extent.
On a side note, I need to go see a doctor. My body just isn't handling things anymore. My weight is constantly spiking then dropping. My legs and my back hurt a lot now. My ears still ring. The tendons in my heels are hurting. And I'm always tired.
Anyways, Im dont bitching. I have errands to do. Maybe I'll get some Sinnish done tonight - that'll me more interesting.
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Date: 2003-07-14 10:42 am (UTC)You just better be on your game for my wedding, dammit. ;-D
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Date: 2003-07-14 10:55 am (UTC)-Rhia
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Date: 2003-07-14 02:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 02:27 pm (UTC)I hear you on that. Rikhei recently complained that she didn't see me that often, and I told her, "Even my parents complain that they don't see me very often." (You do know I live at home, yes?)
Anyway, yes. I understand where you're coming from.
I just don't like myself very much anymore and I don't know how to change that anymore.
I understand feeling this way, too. But remember that lots of people love you. I still love you.
On a side note, I need to go see a doctor.
Please do. You must take care of yourself, and your body is sending you several signals.
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Date: 2003-07-14 05:31 pm (UTC)http://home.comcast.net/~seonaidh/blade/
and try to keep your chin up...
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Date: 2003-07-14 10:18 pm (UTC)But you disabled right-click! How can I load it onto my website?
Email me and we'll figure it all out.
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Date: 2003-07-15 07:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-07-14 08:08 pm (UTC)You might be feeling a tad depressed. Also check for diabetes and thyroid when you go see the doc. I didnt think of you as anti social, I thought of you as worn out! :) If they could find a way to harness Miri's excess energy, we would have an inexhaustable power source :)
I think we got maybe five seconds to talk the whole weekend. I understand how things are with Jason having his issues. They arent the same as Miri's issues, but they are issues regardless. Hang in there, and it was good to see you even if I didnt really get to talk to you. :)
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Date: 2003-07-15 10:08 pm (UTC)I was amazed at how together you all were with Mouse, especially Char.
As dear as she is, I hope that you get to come to one of these sometime alone. I actually enjoyed having her around, which is a LOT for me to say of anyone under the age of 12, but I think major Adult Time is in order.