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Oct. 1st, 2003 03:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaxjediSo I haven't posted in a while. Haven't been sure what to say in many respects. So I'll just do it in little bits, like usual.
I've been dealing with grief a lot lately. Well, not 'dealing with' it, just sort of experiencing it. The problems we have seem unending and that is wearing me down. I just don't rest well when I sleep anymore. I don't know if Miri is waking up more at night, or if I'm just waking up more when she does. Last night, she seemed to wake up every few hours wanted more water.
Money is up and down. We got a really small check from SSI, panicked and then tried to rearrange everything. Then got a full check a few days later. So we actually had enough to buy dinner. We keep getting hit by big expenses. My car keeps doing weird stuff. Then doctor's appointments, and then this then that. If we didn't keep having the unplannable expenses, we'd have enough money for all of our bills and a little extra.
This leads me into a thought. I spend a lot of my so-called extra money (and some of my not-extra money) on food. Not groceries, but soda aand such. Essentially it is comfort food. And I know that I really shouldn't - that money builds up. I could easily pay a bit extra on my credit card, or get another pack of diapers for Miri with that money.
But I still do it. And honestly, it's almost compulsive.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
eleri said that when she and kidarrian were married and really poor, they used to send a bunch of money on Magic the Gathering cards every month. And I've seen others in tight positions do the same. Now, when you are poor, or money is tight, aren't you supposed to buck up and live a more spartan life?
It seems that comforts are as essential to survival as all of these other things that we keep telling ourselves are essential. I go out to eat because it reminds me that I am not constantly under the gun - it's a luxury. And I need a luxury in order to not crack from the stress. Of course, it feels like I am needing luxuries more and more lately, but that's another rant.
So we treat ourselves, sometimes more than we can afford, in order to maintain some semblence of stability, to retain some feeling that our world can be a good place. But that puts us in debt more, which keeps us where we are.
I remember reading in a sociology text that studies found that poor people had a tendency to sort of 'give up' on improving their lot. After a point, the concept of improving your lot seems just too impossible of a task. So you try to make the lot your have more comfortable. I know that feeling. We are in debt with tons of medical bills hanging over our head, from before Miri was on Social Security and our own medical issues which aren't covered by a copay. It's like dealing with corruption in politics - after a point, you just stop caring, because nothing you do is going to change it.
I think that, more than anything, is what keeps people in the hole. The feeling (often true, as far as I can tell) that one has to sacrifice everything for an attempt at a better life with very little chance of getting it.
I just read The Flag is No Rag.
People still don't get it. The flag is a rag. It's a piece of cloth. The Bible is a book, a bunch of bound pieces of paper.
No. Voting implies a decision to be a part of your nation. Taking part in the nation. Helping your fellow citizens. Paying your taxes.The flag is just a symbol. Putting the symbol above the nation and the supposed freedoms that it stands for isn't patriotism or respect. It's empty idolotry.
I've been dealing with grief a lot lately. Well, not 'dealing with' it, just sort of experiencing it. The problems we have seem unending and that is wearing me down. I just don't rest well when I sleep anymore. I don't know if Miri is waking up more at night, or if I'm just waking up more when she does. Last night, she seemed to wake up every few hours wanted more water.
Money is up and down. We got a really small check from SSI, panicked and then tried to rearrange everything. Then got a full check a few days later. So we actually had enough to buy dinner. We keep getting hit by big expenses. My car keeps doing weird stuff. Then doctor's appointments, and then this then that. If we didn't keep having the unplannable expenses, we'd have enough money for all of our bills and a little extra.
This leads me into a thought. I spend a lot of my so-called extra money (and some of my not-extra money) on food. Not groceries, but soda aand such. Essentially it is comfort food. And I know that I really shouldn't - that money builds up. I could easily pay a bit extra on my credit card, or get another pack of diapers for Miri with that money.
But I still do it. And honestly, it's almost compulsive.
eleri said that when she and kidarrian were married and really poor, they used to send a bunch of money on Magic the Gathering cards every month. And I've seen others in tight positions do the same. Now, when you are poor, or money is tight, aren't you supposed to buck up and live a more spartan life? It seems that comforts are as essential to survival as all of these other things that we keep telling ourselves are essential. I go out to eat because it reminds me that I am not constantly under the gun - it's a luxury. And I need a luxury in order to not crack from the stress. Of course, it feels like I am needing luxuries more and more lately, but that's another rant.
So we treat ourselves, sometimes more than we can afford, in order to maintain some semblence of stability, to retain some feeling that our world can be a good place. But that puts us in debt more, which keeps us where we are.
I remember reading in a sociology text that studies found that poor people had a tendency to sort of 'give up' on improving their lot. After a point, the concept of improving your lot seems just too impossible of a task. So you try to make the lot your have more comfortable. I know that feeling. We are in debt with tons of medical bills hanging over our head, from before Miri was on Social Security and our own medical issues which aren't covered by a copay. It's like dealing with corruption in politics - after a point, you just stop caring, because nothing you do is going to change it.
I think that, more than anything, is what keeps people in the hole. The feeling (often true, as far as I can tell) that one has to sacrifice everything for an attempt at a better life with very little chance of getting it.
I just read The Flag is No Rag.
People still don't get it. The flag is a rag. It's a piece of cloth. The Bible is a book, a bunch of bound pieces of paper.
"But respect for the flag doesn't imply agreement with everything about America - only a bottom-line decision to be a part of it, for better or worse. "
No. Voting implies a decision to be a part of your nation. Taking part in the nation. Helping your fellow citizens. Paying your taxes.The flag is just a symbol. Putting the symbol above the nation and the supposed freedoms that it stands for isn't patriotism or respect. It's empty idolotry.
