vaxjedi | (no subject)

When I was in High School, I walked around a lot. I didn't have a car and all. Walking doesn't take much concentration (I'd been doing it for over a decade, you see), so I used to let my mind wander. A lot of ideas came out of that mind wandering while I was body wandering. Fantasies, fictions, magicks, revelations.

One day when I was walked, I was daydreaming a man in a robe. Blue robe, yellow trim. Couldn;t see his face, but I got the impression that he was old. And he offered me a bag.

He said take two runes. These would be my gifts. I would have those in excess. I pulled two runes - they meant Love and Friend.

Then he said that now I had to pay a price for them. I'd pull a rune and that I'd never have in excess, always just enough to scrape by. I pulled Money.

So that's been the story of my life. Love and friends beyond my share, and just enough money so that I don't fall into real debt. Something always comes up to take away too much extra money.

Someone I know recently told me that I should renegotiate my contract with that man with the robe. Maybe I should. I think I have enough karmic credit to get Love and friends without relative destitution.

My Gods don't exist yet. I think I need to write them into existance. Or dream them, or whatever. These are not the Players, but the Elders. The Jade Mother, the Ember Man, the Steel Goddess, the Twins... there are others.

I don't know where that will lead, if anywhere.

Last week I went downtown with Ellen. We just walked around downtown. After a few minutes, I was near giddy. I missed the streets. I missed the grid of asphalt ley lines. Everytime we crossed a street, I desperately wanted to just stay in the middle of the street, just walk right down the center line. That's where the energy is strongest. I wished it was night, though. Sunlight washes out power, to a certain degree. I wanted to hang out in a city park at night, perch on cement walls in my trenchcoat and feel the energy work through me. I am an urban shaman, my lodges are coffee houses. There is more there I must experience.

Good is Light. And there is a Dark. I believe this as devoutly as I believe anything. I just disagree with many on what Light and Dark are.

Light is Good. But light has many colors, moves in many different and distinct wave-lengths. White light is a myriad of different lights at once. Different people's faiths are like stars - they give off light, but when you examine that light correctly, they give off different spectrums. They have different spiritual spectrograph readings.

But light is light. Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindi, Pagan, Satanist, Taoist, Confuscian, Ba'hai, etc. Whatever the color, light is light. Holy is as holy does.

I read somewhere that someone was annoyed with pagans and sacred sexuality people because it seemed they were making sex a sacrement just because it was something they wanted to do, it was something that felt good and they wanted to legitimize it by making it something 'more'.

Sex is sacred to me for just that reason. Instead of looking at first principles, I look at the world. Sex is a tangible and intangible good. It feels good. It creates life. It joins minds. It drives passions. It is vital to being a human being. It is vital to life, not just for propagation, but for life to be vital.

So, I raise it up. Here's one of my favorite quotes, from one of the appendicies of Dune of all places.

Much of what has been called religion has an unconscious attitude of hostility toward life. True religion must teach that life is filled with joys pleasing to the eye of God, that knowledge without action is empty. All men must see that the teaching of religion by rule and rote is largely a hoax. The proper teaching is recognized with ease. You can know it without fail because it awakens within you that sensation which tells you this is something you've always known.

That's it. When i became sexual, it awoke something in my that I had always known. That life is filled with joys pleasing to the eye of God. That Gods had given use gifts, not to tempt us or trick us, but to be used as tools to create, to be played like instruments to express, to be ridden like horses to move, to be picked like fruits to nourish.

Time for sleep. More rest to heal my wounded mouth (damn dentists).

Hallelujah anyway.