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Feb. 4th, 2004 04:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaxjediI've had a bad day.
After the leave of absense, I go back into work and full time father again and realize that the rest I got simply wasn't enough. Work is more stressful and getting back into the swing of things was like hitting a brick wall.
My reactions are all weird. I want to spend time to people, but every time someone talks to me, I desperately want to run away. The more I want to be around someone, the more I want to run away when I am actually around them.
And one thing I'm upset about, I feel really stupid about. They are cancelling Uru Live on the 9th. And it's really upsetting me more than it should. I think I understand more the people who were so upset about White-wolf ending the World of Darkness. At the time I said people were upset because it looked like the death of their culture. It's the same feeling with Uru. I was so excited about it. My friends even got together and got me a computer for Christmas specifically so I could play. It was a glittering jewel of escapism for me when I really needed one.
I began to invest more in the culture. It was a combination of so many things I needed: a new set of puzzles to solve, a social activity, an escape, a place where I could safely express my gender issues. It even had a constructed language for me to learn. And it's a culture I'm going to miss. Almost no one I know will probably understand why the Egg room is special, or what's so fascinating about the wall at Gahreesen, or why people were so hot to jump of balconies, or the worship of the Great Safety Cone.
Yeah, it's really minor. It's just a game. But it was a ray of hope that's gone out.
Maybe I'm just overly emotional. Maybe it's just better that I focus more on the real world.
.shorah b'bihv t'uru
After the leave of absense, I go back into work and full time father again and realize that the rest I got simply wasn't enough. Work is more stressful and getting back into the swing of things was like hitting a brick wall.
My reactions are all weird. I want to spend time to people, but every time someone talks to me, I desperately want to run away. The more I want to be around someone, the more I want to run away when I am actually around them.
And one thing I'm upset about, I feel really stupid about. They are cancelling Uru Live on the 9th. And it's really upsetting me more than it should. I think I understand more the people who were so upset about White-wolf ending the World of Darkness. At the time I said people were upset because it looked like the death of their culture. It's the same feeling with Uru. I was so excited about it. My friends even got together and got me a computer for Christmas specifically so I could play. It was a glittering jewel of escapism for me when I really needed one.
I began to invest more in the culture. It was a combination of so many things I needed: a new set of puzzles to solve, a social activity, an escape, a place where I could safely express my gender issues. It even had a constructed language for me to learn. And it's a culture I'm going to miss. Almost no one I know will probably understand why the Egg room is special, or what's so fascinating about the wall at Gahreesen, or why people were so hot to jump of balconies, or the worship of the Great Safety Cone.
Yeah, it's really minor. It's just a game. But it was a ray of hope that's gone out.
Maybe I'm just overly emotional. Maybe it's just better that I focus more on the real world.
.shorah b'bihv t'uru
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Date: 2004-02-05 01:11 am (UTC)As for overly emotional - I doubt it. "overly" impies that there's some level of emotion that is "right" or "normal" I no longer believe such a thing exists. I'm sometimes more emotional than is comfortable (like yesterday), but since that was the level of emotion I felt, that was exactly the appropriate level.
>>hugshugs<<
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Date: 2004-02-05 01:13 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2004-02-06 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-05 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-05 02:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-06 01:06 am (UTC)