Houston Update
Mar. 22nd, 2004 04:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaxjediI've got lots of thoughts on this weekend. I'm writing this on my Visor, so we'll see how long this ends up.
The wedding went well. There were a few issues - such as the best man deciding at the last minute to not make the drive to Houston, thus not only dissing the bride and groom but ensuring that one of the other people in the wedding party couldn't make it either. I'm really dissapointed in that guy - I expected better.
And I really missed meeting you, Hope. We'll have to arrange something else sometime.
I did, however, get to hang out with a bunch of Grinnellians I hadn't seen for years: Leif, Kathy, Sabrina, Dave, Jordan, Graham, Gypsy, Nada, Talia, Eric.
It was really nice to see all of them. I really didn't talk much - I wasn't entirely sure what to say. I was a little afraid of boring them with talk about Sinnish or core dumping on them about Miri. So I didn't say much. But it reminded me why I liked being around them.
My reactions to being around them were a bit odd. I had a lot of time where I just wanted to run off and be alone. Or go hang out with Miri for a bit and then come back. It felt forced a little to suddenly be trying to do things with all of these people. But it also felt natural to be around them.
I realized that what I really wanted was not to be on vacation with these people, but to be around them day-to-day. I miss them as friends.
I've missed Eleri really badly this weekend. I really want her to meet all these people. And I want them to meet her. She'd fit right in with them so perfectly.
I've also missed Miri. Jordan and Dave had their 4 month old with them. I kept staring at her, wondering what Miri was doing, if she missed her dada. I know we desperately need time away from Miri... but I do love her so.
On a complete aside, Jordan and Dave were doing the parent thing - lugging around diaper bags and strollers, taking the baby to a quiet, out of the way place when she screamed, etc.
I have to admit, I got a certain perverse pleasure from it being someone besides Eleri and myself doing that for once.
I got to spend some time with Sabrina. It's been far too long. She and I still have an amazing chemistry. I definitely need to see her more than once every three years.
We talked about having a Back Table reunion. Like next year so people could plan and during Spring Break so current Tablers could come. Just invite everyone who has ever been associated with the Table to some central place.
I think I'll email a few people and see what they think.
Houston is an odd place. It's huge! And, apparently, you can't get anywhere in Houston without it taking a very long time on the freeway - even if you are driving with the flow of traffic - which is about 80 MPH.
I am sooooo glad I wasn't driving. I'd have been a complete basketcase.
People's reactions to Houston were amusing. All of the people who were from Houston but had left were bemoaning leaving and missed it so much. All of the people who didn't come from Houston were complaining about how much this town sucked and they were glad they didn't live here. The Austin crowd was particularly nasty about it.
I was standing in the hall where Loki and Dora were getting married before the marriage. It was before any guests were there, so I was alone. I needed some sort of strength, so I suddenly decided to cast a circle over the hall (which was my perrogative, I figure, as the officient).
I came up with a nice (I think) casting off of the cuff, using the Raptured elements. It felt good, like I was being effective.
Before the wedding, I was very nervous. I was thinking "If I just get through this, I'll be okay and I won't have to be up in front of people anymore." But it went well, though I did stumble a few times. Afterward, I was thinking "Hey, with some practice, I could be really good at this."
I guess I'll just have to accept that Eleri is right and that my low self-esteem is wrong - I do have some ability.
I'm crashing at Dora's parents' house tonight - they are really nice people.
I have more, but that sleep thing is coming up again....
The wedding went well. There were a few issues - such as the best man deciding at the last minute to not make the drive to Houston, thus not only dissing the bride and groom but ensuring that one of the other people in the wedding party couldn't make it either. I'm really dissapointed in that guy - I expected better.
And I really missed meeting you, Hope. We'll have to arrange something else sometime.
I did, however, get to hang out with a bunch of Grinnellians I hadn't seen for years: Leif, Kathy, Sabrina, Dave, Jordan, Graham, Gypsy, Nada, Talia, Eric.
It was really nice to see all of them. I really didn't talk much - I wasn't entirely sure what to say. I was a little afraid of boring them with talk about Sinnish or core dumping on them about Miri. So I didn't say much. But it reminded me why I liked being around them.
My reactions to being around them were a bit odd. I had a lot of time where I just wanted to run off and be alone. Or go hang out with Miri for a bit and then come back. It felt forced a little to suddenly be trying to do things with all of these people. But it also felt natural to be around them.
I realized that what I really wanted was not to be on vacation with these people, but to be around them day-to-day. I miss them as friends.
I've missed Eleri really badly this weekend. I really want her to meet all these people. And I want them to meet her. She'd fit right in with them so perfectly.
I've also missed Miri. Jordan and Dave had their 4 month old with them. I kept staring at her, wondering what Miri was doing, if she missed her dada. I know we desperately need time away from Miri... but I do love her so.
On a complete aside, Jordan and Dave were doing the parent thing - lugging around diaper bags and strollers, taking the baby to a quiet, out of the way place when she screamed, etc.
I have to admit, I got a certain perverse pleasure from it being someone besides Eleri and myself doing that for once.
I got to spend some time with Sabrina. It's been far too long. She and I still have an amazing chemistry. I definitely need to see her more than once every three years.
We talked about having a Back Table reunion. Like next year so people could plan and during Spring Break so current Tablers could come. Just invite everyone who has ever been associated with the Table to some central place.
I think I'll email a few people and see what they think.
Houston is an odd place. It's huge! And, apparently, you can't get anywhere in Houston without it taking a very long time on the freeway - even if you are driving with the flow of traffic - which is about 80 MPH.
I am sooooo glad I wasn't driving. I'd have been a complete basketcase.
People's reactions to Houston were amusing. All of the people who were from Houston but had left were bemoaning leaving and missed it so much. All of the people who didn't come from Houston were complaining about how much this town sucked and they were glad they didn't live here. The Austin crowd was particularly nasty about it.
I was standing in the hall where Loki and Dora were getting married before the marriage. It was before any guests were there, so I was alone. I needed some sort of strength, so I suddenly decided to cast a circle over the hall (which was my perrogative, I figure, as the officient).
I came up with a nice (I think) casting off of the cuff, using the Raptured elements. It felt good, like I was being effective.
Before the wedding, I was very nervous. I was thinking "If I just get through this, I'll be okay and I won't have to be up in front of people anymore." But it went well, though I did stumble a few times. Afterward, I was thinking "Hey, with some practice, I could be really good at this."
I guess I'll just have to accept that Eleri is right and that my low self-esteem is wrong - I do have some ability.
I'm crashing at Dora's parents' house tonight - they are really nice people.
I have more, but that sleep thing is coming up again....
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-22 09:42 am (UTC)I suppose my distance might have started when I was dating Rob - I know my relationship with him screwed with a lot of my friendships. But I also think that I was less involved with the group in my later years than a lot of people partly because I chose not to be part of the ameoba, really. No offense to them, but I was never really attracted to Kathy or Sabrina or Leif, for example, and I found it sad that my water brothers had such close connections to these people, but that I didn't really relate to them. I hang around with Rikhei a lot now, and she talks about them, and they are people I knew only very distantly.
In recent years I've found myself struggling with the tension between the polyamorous part of me that revels in growing closer with my water brothers and wants more of that, and the other part of me that is jealous and wants a monagamous lifestyle, which I have chosen. I find it odd that Bill and I have never really discussed this aspect of our relationship, except as regards my occassional crushes, and my periods of irrational fear that he has someone else in his life he's never told me about.
so much of my interaction with people has always been flirtatious, and now I feel the need to mature, not to stop flirting necesssarily, but to find a way to make my life all of what I want, and ballanced.
I guess that's a little off-topic from where I started.
I like the idea of a backtable reunion. Even though it would involve travel for most of us, we should have it someplace warm.
I read bits of rowena and I really missed you all.
I miss, as you said, "not to be on vacation with these people, but to be around them day-to-day."
I felt very lucky on my trip to philadelphia, to be able to hang out with that branch of my water brethren in a relaxed, close to everyday way. I'm getting better at doing that on purpose.
*hug*
no subject
Date: 2004-03-23 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-03-22 10:33 am (UTC)I was thinking this weekend how I manage my feelings. I put people out of my mind, because if I called them to the forefront of my mind, I'd miss them so much I'd cry all the time. I've learned to shunt my passion so that I can function, which is all well and good as far as pragmatism goes, but it doesn't do so well in the friendship department.
I feel like I'm not being as good of a friend as I should. For instance, you of all people at the Table are probably the one I miss most of all, yet I don't communicate with you in any way other than LJ. Why is this? It's ridiculous. I miss you. I really do. But I feel that insinuating myself into your life at this point would be utterly selfish on my part.
Last night, I came to an idea (or an idea came to me): I need to stop wanting to do things, and instead do them. I want this year to be a year of change for me, a change of personal habits. My main flaw is my main mode of action, which is avoidance/running away. I need to stop doing that and confront what I need. I need to cultivate my friendships. I hope that you and I can strike up a little something, something more than what we have now in terms of interaction.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-22 04:48 pm (UTC)So interaction: hell yes. For me, the best option would be for you to move to Portland. But, barring that, you can find me on AIM or email me at lakem AT comcast DOT net :)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-22 02:14 pm (UTC)I propose summer, because for several of us (including you, read the classletter! ;) next year is our aggregate "5 year" reunion (and probably 10 year for some of the older people). We got Reunion to do a Table Reunion once, I bet we could do it again.
Of course, I'm biased; I could really only afford to pay for this *or* my official reunion. It would be nice not to have to choose, since I did have a few non-table friends.
Just to add to the Houston-Austin debate, I adore Houston, and I loathe Austin. Something about Houston just feels "right" to me. And I love driving there.
(Remember, I'm half Texan.)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-23 03:16 pm (UTC)you should hear houston people talk about driving in austin.
i think i have converted a few people to liking texas, who previously hated it. thank god for decent weather!
i was happy i got to meet you finally.
no subject
Date: 2004-03-23 08:53 pm (UTC)