Fuck this shit
Jul. 22nd, 2002 07:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaxjediBlade steps up to the line again.
"I don't believe I'm up at the line again for the same reason in just a week."
"My friend, CJ Flores, is dead. He was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor about a year ago. I'd barely talked to him since then. Today, one of my managers, who also knew CJ, let me know."
"CJ is another person I didn't know all that well. He was my mentor at work for 6 months, while I was a Senior In Training on the Dell Email team. He was the first person at work that I told I was poly. He actually respected me, which was a first on that team. Well, first that I knew of."
"I talked to him just a few times over the last year, over AIM. He didn't seem to want to talk to me, so I figured he was dealing with his condition in his own way. Turns out he couldn't use the computer very well because of his condiition. And for CJ, that was pretty much death anyway."
"I guess I should have told him how much of a friend and a mentor he had been to me. He'll never hear me say that now. Of the deaths that I have been connected to, near and far, this is the first one where I didn't let the person know what I needed to tell them, in one way or another. Donna knew I adored her. Rich knew I cared. CJ... will never know." Blade stares into his drink.
"The saying goes that grief is for the living, not for the dead. That's true. And my grief is too much for me to bear any longer."
"Three deaths in a year of people connected to me. More deaths of people who were important to those important to me. A car accident that is my fault, that has left me in pain and burdened my family finnancially even more than before. A daughter that I love so dearly, but we can find no reason for her ailments. Another duaghter who I can't be a proper father for, because I can't provide any of the help she needs because I can't stop myself from being angry at her all of the time."
"There's more I could say, but that becomes an exercise in wallowing in self-pity."
He holds up his empty glass. "TO CJ Flores, I'm glad your pain has ended." Pause. "To the straw that broke teh camel's back. To surviving the suffering that continues."
*crash*
"I don't believe I'm up at the line again for the same reason in just a week."
"My friend, CJ Flores, is dead. He was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor about a year ago. I'd barely talked to him since then. Today, one of my managers, who also knew CJ, let me know."
"CJ is another person I didn't know all that well. He was my mentor at work for 6 months, while I was a Senior In Training on the Dell Email team. He was the first person at work that I told I was poly. He actually respected me, which was a first on that team. Well, first that I knew of."
"I talked to him just a few times over the last year, over AIM. He didn't seem to want to talk to me, so I figured he was dealing with his condition in his own way. Turns out he couldn't use the computer very well because of his condiition. And for CJ, that was pretty much death anyway."
"I guess I should have told him how much of a friend and a mentor he had been to me. He'll never hear me say that now. Of the deaths that I have been connected to, near and far, this is the first one where I didn't let the person know what I needed to tell them, in one way or another. Donna knew I adored her. Rich knew I cared. CJ... will never know." Blade stares into his drink.
"The saying goes that grief is for the living, not for the dead. That's true. And my grief is too much for me to bear any longer."
"Three deaths in a year of people connected to me. More deaths of people who were important to those important to me. A car accident that is my fault, that has left me in pain and burdened my family finnancially even more than before. A daughter that I love so dearly, but we can find no reason for her ailments. Another duaghter who I can't be a proper father for, because I can't provide any of the help she needs because I can't stop myself from being angry at her all of the time."
"There's more I could say, but that becomes an exercise in wallowing in self-pity."
He holds up his empty glass. "TO CJ Flores, I'm glad your pain has ended." Pause. "To the straw that broke teh camel's back. To surviving the suffering that continues."
*crash*
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Date: 2002-07-22 08:11 am (UTC)*crash*
Date: 2002-07-22 09:53 am (UTC)Ryan
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Date: 2002-07-22 11:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-07-22 11:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-07-22 11:49 am (UTC)*crash*
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Date: 2002-07-22 10:50 pm (UTC)