Some more thoughts...
May. 29th, 2004 12:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vaxjediI'd like to talk about something that has been on my mind. About Rapture and religion and my place in it.
Rapture started off as an idea for a story, a way of expressing certain spiritual and theological ideas that i had had for years, but always had problems expressing. I also considered it as an idea for part of an 'adult RPG' idea that I had had. I developed the idea for both in different ways, as well as developing the basis for Sinnish as a language of the Rapture and as a personal project. As I developed all of tht, I realized that I was creating a sort of fantastical representation of my own beliefs and spirituality. And that that fantasy wasn't enough for me. I wanted a reality of my belief, something that was a art of my real life, not an daydream to retreat to. So I began to develop the language and ideals into something I could actually live by (and I still am).
A few others have expressed interest in the ideology. Eleri finds it particularly compelling, as far as I can tell. And I admit, I have begun to see myself as the voice of the Rapture, the interpreter of this particular take on the supernatural. And that brings me to my first worry.
Hubris.
I know that people can twist their perceptions to fit what they want. In fact, it happens all the time in every person's life. I also know I have a need to feel 'special', one that hasn't been satisfied in the world - there are always people smarter, more skilled, more creative, geekier, more knowledgeable, sexier, more interesting, etc. So I begin to wonder... am I simply manufacturing a place for me to be 'special'? While I do feel a calling for spirituality, and to share that spirituality with and communicate to others, how much of this is just self-aggrandizing indulging? When I feel I have hit on something important for me and possibly others, how much of it is delusions of grandeur?
I am a big believer in the maxims of 'power corrupts' and 'those who desire power are the people least likely to handle it.' I wonder if I fall under those things myself. And I'm not sure I fully buy the 'well, if you are thinking about it, you are probably okay' argument. If you are fooling yourself about being spiritually gifted and special, how hard is it to imagine that you are really worried about being full of yourself?
I dunno. Maybe this is one of those conversations where you can go around in circles forever. I do feel the 'calling', as it were. But I've met others who felt called as well, and they seemed... well, crazy, unbalanced, unhinged. I wonder if I am too.
I also wonder is there is a more populist answer to it. Maybe everyone is 'called'. Not necessarily to a specific path, religion or god. But called to be spiritual, to be supernatural. Maybe the form of following that path is mostly unimportant, as long as you are following a path, as long as you get up and start walking. That idea makes me feel a little better.
The other thing on my mind is about another danger, one more applicable to my particular path, I think, than the majority of them. I've talked about ecstasy, often in connection with sexuality. It's been my opinion that the world is full of so much pain, depression and hopelessness, that the only way to combat it is with ecstasy. It's like Spider Robinson's idea of rapturists - the opposite of terrorists - inspiring Rapture.
But what I'm worried about is excess. While I am firmly of the belief that people are meant to shine, I don't think they are meant to shine all of the time. We are not meant to be in ecstasy all of the time.
Oddly enough, what really got me thinking about this originally was a documentary I saw on the history of disco. They went over how popular it became. And they went over the history of Studio 54. It was the center of disco subculture for a while. It was a wild place, people having sex in the balconies, lots of drugs, plates full of cocaine, dancing and singing, etc. It really was a place of ecstasy. But it was too much. It was without direction or purpose.
The fact is, I think that any ecstasy that goes on for too long will burn people out, and there are some ecstasies taht burn parts of you out almost immediately. Now, I think the threshold and need for ecstasy is a lot higher than most people believe. But it isn't a Nirvana-state. It's not some place you stay. It's a place you visit regularly, however.
There is so much pain in the world. I don't know whether it is a flaw in the design of the world, or a natural process of transformation or whatever. But it easily overwhelms us unless we counter it. The cure for suffering seems to be regular doses of rapture.
Rapture started off as an idea for a story, a way of expressing certain spiritual and theological ideas that i had had for years, but always had problems expressing. I also considered it as an idea for part of an 'adult RPG' idea that I had had. I developed the idea for both in different ways, as well as developing the basis for Sinnish as a language of the Rapture and as a personal project. As I developed all of tht, I realized that I was creating a sort of fantastical representation of my own beliefs and spirituality. And that that fantasy wasn't enough for me. I wanted a reality of my belief, something that was a art of my real life, not an daydream to retreat to. So I began to develop the language and ideals into something I could actually live by (and I still am).
A few others have expressed interest in the ideology. Eleri finds it particularly compelling, as far as I can tell. And I admit, I have begun to see myself as the voice of the Rapture, the interpreter of this particular take on the supernatural. And that brings me to my first worry.
Hubris.
I know that people can twist their perceptions to fit what they want. In fact, it happens all the time in every person's life. I also know I have a need to feel 'special', one that hasn't been satisfied in the world - there are always people smarter, more skilled, more creative, geekier, more knowledgeable, sexier, more interesting, etc. So I begin to wonder... am I simply manufacturing a place for me to be 'special'? While I do feel a calling for spirituality, and to share that spirituality with and communicate to others, how much of this is just self-aggrandizing indulging? When I feel I have hit on something important for me and possibly others, how much of it is delusions of grandeur?
I am a big believer in the maxims of 'power corrupts' and 'those who desire power are the people least likely to handle it.' I wonder if I fall under those things myself. And I'm not sure I fully buy the 'well, if you are thinking about it, you are probably okay' argument. If you are fooling yourself about being spiritually gifted and special, how hard is it to imagine that you are really worried about being full of yourself?
I dunno. Maybe this is one of those conversations where you can go around in circles forever. I do feel the 'calling', as it were. But I've met others who felt called as well, and they seemed... well, crazy, unbalanced, unhinged. I wonder if I am too.
I also wonder is there is a more populist answer to it. Maybe everyone is 'called'. Not necessarily to a specific path, religion or god. But called to be spiritual, to be supernatural. Maybe the form of following that path is mostly unimportant, as long as you are following a path, as long as you get up and start walking. That idea makes me feel a little better.
The other thing on my mind is about another danger, one more applicable to my particular path, I think, than the majority of them. I've talked about ecstasy, often in connection with sexuality. It's been my opinion that the world is full of so much pain, depression and hopelessness, that the only way to combat it is with ecstasy. It's like Spider Robinson's idea of rapturists - the opposite of terrorists - inspiring Rapture.
But what I'm worried about is excess. While I am firmly of the belief that people are meant to shine, I don't think they are meant to shine all of the time. We are not meant to be in ecstasy all of the time.
Oddly enough, what really got me thinking about this originally was a documentary I saw on the history of disco. They went over how popular it became. And they went over the history of Studio 54. It was the center of disco subculture for a while. It was a wild place, people having sex in the balconies, lots of drugs, plates full of cocaine, dancing and singing, etc. It really was a place of ecstasy. But it was too much. It was without direction or purpose.
The fact is, I think that any ecstasy that goes on for too long will burn people out, and there are some ecstasies taht burn parts of you out almost immediately. Now, I think the threshold and need for ecstasy is a lot higher than most people believe. But it isn't a Nirvana-state. It's not some place you stay. It's a place you visit regularly, however.
There is so much pain in the world. I don't know whether it is a flaw in the design of the world, or a natural process of transformation or whatever. But it easily overwhelms us unless we counter it. The cure for suffering seems to be regular doses of rapture.
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-30 12:38 am (UTC)carrots are good for you. if you eat too many of them, they're bad for you. i like the word 'moderation' and i think that it's been forgotten.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-30 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-31 08:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-05-31 08:14 pm (UTC)Moderation, as a previous commenter posted, is important. Ecstasy grounded in reality, ie not to excess, is the key, I think. It should be a joyous thing, not just a distraction.